I wish that time had never taken a toll on us. That people wouldn’t have interfered and started the slow decay of the spindles. That we could have stayed who we were last year this time. We distanced from each other and memories became more important and romantic than the actual person in front of us. We let the world and time take its toll to us and that ended up washing us out. I’m truly lost all the time but I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t recall what love is and the lack of trust I have plays a negative role towards us. Things are hard and I’ve learned you can’t force love or feeling. No matter how much you desire it.
I don’t even know how to feel anymore. I’m surrounded by a ghost town filled to the brim with the ghosts of my past and whispers of dreams that didn’t really come true. I go for walks till its past a safe hour, through the middle of storms. I see memories replay in different places; over lapping with the time I’ve lived. I keep a memory on me of him at all times. My purse. My favorite memory resides within the week that I obtained that purse. My gray hat was the first neff hat I could call my own, from him of all people. I figured I like to wear my gray oversized sweatshirt because it reminds me of another gray oversized sweatshirt that I practically lived in. I can’t shake the feeling in the pit of my stomach that everything somehow got misplayed, something important is missing. I feel trapped in this town and am always on the constant run to find some where bigger, some place far enough away that I don’t feel like my heart is caving in and I’m not starving out. I don’t know my feeling. I miss emotion